There’s no ointment for this condition.

What is it about Mondays that bring out the worst in us?  I legit gave two of my sales people so much attitude this morning that I’ll probably be known as the “Miranda” from here on out (what, I like The Devil Wears Prada.  Fuck you.  Meryl Streep forever).  I just can’t seem to get rid of the fire in mah veins today.  I feel like an angsty teenager (with the beginning signs of crows feet and indigestion, of course), and I’d love nothing more than to bash some unassuming bitch in the face.  She can be assuming.  Whatever, I mean, it’s her face getting smashed with a shovel.

Good things there’s metal.  Good goddamn thing.  Sitting here, blasting Culling The Herd in my headphones, coworkers probably think I’m off my fucking rocker because I’m making hand gestures and my face is scrunched up.  My poor office mate.  I take that back, actually.  I told her I would probably murder today and she asked (with a laugh) if she could watch.  Sure thing, puddin’.  Let me switch from melodic metal to death metal and then the fun will begin.  Speaking of…

Show of Stillborn Condition.  Don’t be mad, bro.  Derperella was just tryin’ to take yo picture.


They’re baaack!  This Saturday, 5/13 at Live @212, my boys Stillborn Condition are making their return to the scene with a brand new drummer, Seth Perkins.  Name sound familiar?  It damn well should.  He’s also the drummer for Destination: Void out of Limington.  I’ve gotten a little sneak preview, and Seth is perfect for this Portland-based death metal band.  Stillborn’s been one of my favorite local bands ever since my first time at The Cage a year ago*.  Those dudes have been some of the best people I’ve met in my life.  Comprised of Nick Morin (growling/guttural screaming), Christopher “Show” Brown (string thing), Greg Burns-Jackson (slappa da bass wicked hahd and fast, bub), Al Pike (string thing) and Seth Perkins (talented god damn motherfucker with sticks), this band will rip the flesh from your face and then Adam Begin from Culling The Herd will proceed to eat it.  Now that’s metal.  Expect to see Stillborn Condition a lot from now on.  They just signed on for Herd Flock 2: The Big Deuce (coming to a big clearing in the woods near you, this July.  Parental discretion advised).


There’s more to get to this week, and I’ll keep you abreast (hehehehe) of it as best I can.  There are so many shows coming up this month, dude.  From shows at The Cage, to the Friends Lodge in Lisbon, to Geno’s and Live @212- there are shows everywhere this month.  Hell, there are shows tomorrow that I’ll give you the deets on in the morning once I gather all the info.  I’m gonna try to inform you of every single one.  I’m a chick with limited time, so I try my best.  Someone actually had the audacity to ask why I’m not present at more shows.  First of all, fuck you.  Second of all, I have limited income (thanks, bills and divorce) and my car is shared between me and my boyfriend, who has kids.  Thirdly, fuck you in the ass with a studded baseball bat.  I’d love to be able to go to every local show, but it’s just not possible.  I’d love to emcee every damn one (my dream is to be a paid emcee for large shows…someday, when I’m a big time radio stah.  I’m a nobody right now), but that’s not possible, either.  I love local music dearly, and I support the bands in the ways that I’m able to at the moment.  Just because I can’t go to every show doesn’t take away from how much I’m here to support.  Why the hell do you think I write this blog?

Nick Morin is: Howie Feltersnatch, MD.

I hope more and more people will start reading this little ol’ blog of mine.  I was told recently by two people I admire greatly in the scene, that they read nearly every single one.  Not to sound like a little bitch, but it made my eyes well up.  I mean, one of them is a legendary Portland radio DJ (catch him on Rock Rage Radio.  It’s The muthafuckin’ Facemelter!) and the other is in a little band called Sygnal To Noise.  Heard of ’em?  When I feel like giving up or that my efforts aren’t worth it, I’m going to try to remember what Coopa from Sygnal To Noise told me: Keep doing what you’re doing, and don’t ever stop.

\m/ \m/

I’m a classy broad.
*My first time at La Cage was last May, emceeing a show for Brand New Day, Stillborn Condition and Ascent To Power.  I felt so out of place until the rum and cokes took effect.  To this day, I feel like that was my initiation into the scene.  Motherfuckin’ right.

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